Bass Pro Shop's Blind Cashier....
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir.
Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am,
I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the
Bear Repellent is $3.50."
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir.
Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am,
I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the
Bear Repellent is $3.50."
a 50 yr old woman treated her self to a face lift...'cost 'er 12grand....she leaves the dr's office feeling PRETTY GOOD...she stops by the drug store,as she's leaving she's says to the girl behind the counter..."How old do I look to you?"...girl says..39? "hahahaha NO I'm 50 ! and she leaves ...she stops at MacDonald's for lunch and the scene repeats itself with a young counter kid..."Excuse me...how old do I look to you?"..."I don't know...42?...hahaha NO I'M 50 ! and she leaves...she gets to a bus stop and sees an old man sitting on the bench...she engages him with the same question,to which he replies.."Look...lady...I'm 76 yrs old and nearly blind...but when I was a kid I had a FOOL PROOF way of telling a woman's age"...She says OK give it shot..having tricked everyone else she was feeling good...he sticks his hands up her shirt for an UNCOMFORTABLE amount of time til finally he says YOU'RE 50...AMAZED she says "how could you EVER know that?...he says .."promise not get mad and report me? hell yea I wanna know how you knew...he says "I was behind you at MacDonalds"
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the
station when he notices a little girl next door in a
little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides
and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon
is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says
with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl says.
The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the
girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to
the cat's testicles.
"Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell
you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope
around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right,
but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
station when he notices a little girl next door in a
little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides
and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon
is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says
with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl says.
The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the
girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to
the cat's testicles.
"Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell
you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope
around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right,
but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
These guys head out to a local lake t' take in some bass-action...as they're tracing the lake searching for spots Bob looks up on the shore line and sees a funeral procession passing by on the road and begins to cry UNCONTROLLABLY...his boys don't ask because..hey they're guys right...they ignore it and move further up the lake and they see the same line of cars...Bob falls down in the boat and begins to sob for about a minute...jumps up real quick and begins to fish again like nothing ever happened...finally after the 3rd time they see the hearse go by Jack says to Bob ..."Bob WTF is wrong with you today...to which Bob says...hey... she WAS my wife
A farmer w/ a HUGE chicken farm loses his prize rooster to old age,so he reads an article about a guy who claims to have a SUPER ROOSTER ad:One rooster to service your WHOLE FARM...the farmer gets curious and heads out to buy this INCREDIBLE bird...he arrives and the seller greets him and tells him...."Yeah ya gotta watch him...he'll do it with ANYTHING" .."Ok I'll watch 'em really good"
He gets the rooster back to the farm and within minutes of letting him loose he sees the rooster down by the duck pond "bangin" all the ducks ...farmer grabs 'em and says.."Hey slow down I need you to save all this for the chickens"...he ties the rooster to a stake in the ground...soon the farmer looked out the window only to see the rooster back at the pond "bangin" a whole bunch of geese...He grabs the rooster by the neck,throws him into the coop and LOCKS THE DOOR....about 1 minute later he looks out and sees the rooster laying on the ground with vultures circling overhead..dammit he killed himself w/ all the extras...he walks slowly up to the rooster and says out loud..."I told you you'd do yourself in w/ all this "bangin"...to which the rooster replied..."Keep it down those buzzards are about to land"....
He gets the rooster back to the farm and within minutes of letting him loose he sees the rooster down by the duck pond "bangin" all the ducks ...farmer grabs 'em and says.."Hey slow down I need you to save all this for the chickens"...he ties the rooster to a stake in the ground...soon the farmer looked out the window only to see the rooster back at the pond "bangin" a whole bunch of geese...He grabs the rooster by the neck,throws him into the coop and LOCKS THE DOOR....about 1 minute later he looks out and sees the rooster laying on the ground with vultures circling overhead..dammit he killed himself w/ all the extras...he walks slowly up to the rooster and says out loud..."I told you you'd do yourself in w/ all this "bangin"...to which the rooster replied..."Keep it down those buzzards are about to land"....
3 travelling salesman(Frenchman,Italian,Polock)take the wrong exit off the highway.Before they can turn around and head back to the highway,the car breaks down.They all get out and start walking down
the road.Up ahead they see a farmhouse.As they approach there is
a beautiful young woman hanging clothes on the clothes line outside.
They ask her if they can use the phone to call for road service.They all enter the house and they meet the owner.They all exchange
greetings.It is getting dark outside and the tow truck can't arrive
until the morning.The old man invites them to stay the night.After a fine meal and staring at the beautiful young woman,who is the old mans granddaughter visiting for the summer,the old man brings them to the room at the end of the hallway where they will sleep.The old man's room is between their room and the granddaughters room.
He tells them he is a light sleeper and will be sleeping with a double barrel shotgun so don't try any funny business with his granddaughter.The men can't stop talking about what they would like to do with the girl.Finally the frenchman can't take it any more,
he sneeks past the old mans room and bangs the girl.On the way back to his room the floor board creaks,the old man asks "who is there?",the frenchman makes a noise like a cat,meowwwww.He gets back to the room and tells the other two how great the sex was.
The Italian says its my turn and does the same as the frenchman.
He hits the same creaky board and the old man says "who is there?",the Italian makes a noise like a cat,meowwww.Italian gets back to the room and says what great sex he had.Now is the polocks turn.He sneeks to the room and bangs the girl.On the way back he hits the same creaky floor board.The old man asks,"who is there?",the polock panics and
yells, Don"t SHOOT !!!!! Its the Cat !!!!.
the road.Up ahead they see a farmhouse.As they approach there is
a beautiful young woman hanging clothes on the clothes line outside.
They ask her if they can use the phone to call for road service.They all enter the house and they meet the owner.They all exchange
greetings.It is getting dark outside and the tow truck can't arrive
until the morning.The old man invites them to stay the night.After a fine meal and staring at the beautiful young woman,who is the old mans granddaughter visiting for the summer,the old man brings them to the room at the end of the hallway where they will sleep.The old man's room is between their room and the granddaughters room.
He tells them he is a light sleeper and will be sleeping with a double barrel shotgun so don't try any funny business with his granddaughter.The men can't stop talking about what they would like to do with the girl.Finally the frenchman can't take it any more,
he sneeks past the old mans room and bangs the girl.On the way back to his room the floor board creaks,the old man asks "who is there?",the frenchman makes a noise like a cat,meowwwww.He gets back to the room and tells the other two how great the sex was.
The Italian says its my turn and does the same as the frenchman.
He hits the same creaky board and the old man says "who is there?",the Italian makes a noise like a cat,meowwww.Italian gets back to the room and says what great sex he had.Now is the polocks turn.He sneeks to the room and bangs the girl.On the way back he hits the same creaky floor board.The old man asks,"who is there?",the polock panics and
yells, Don"t SHOOT !!!!! Its the Cat !!!!.
A doctor starts work at a college medical clinic one day. His first patient is a young co-ed.
"Doc, I have this rash on my chest, you have anything for it?" she says.
He tells her to take her shirt off and asks, " I have this rash cream but I have to ask, how did you get a rash in the shape of the letter B?"
"Oh, my boyfriend goes to Brown and likes to do it with his college sweater on." she says.
"Ok" he says and gives her the cream.
The next day another girl comes in and she has a rash on her chest too.
"How did you get a rash shaped liked the letter H" he asks.
"My boyfriend likes to do it with his college sweater on and he goes to Harvard"
He laughs and gives her the cream.
The next day another girl comes in and says, "Doc, i have this rash on my chest"
The doc shakes his head and sighs and says "ok let me see"
She takes her shirt off and he looks at the rash and says, "Let me guess, your boyfriend goes to Michigan"
She says, "No but my girlfriend goes to Wisconsin"
"Doc, I have this rash on my chest, you have anything for it?" she says.
He tells her to take her shirt off and asks, " I have this rash cream but I have to ask, how did you get a rash in the shape of the letter B?"
"Oh, my boyfriend goes to Brown and likes to do it with his college sweater on." she says.
"Ok" he says and gives her the cream.
The next day another girl comes in and she has a rash on her chest too.
"How did you get a rash shaped liked the letter H" he asks.
"My boyfriend likes to do it with his college sweater on and he goes to Harvard"
He laughs and gives her the cream.
The next day another girl comes in and says, "Doc, i have this rash on my chest"
The doc shakes his head and sighs and says "ok let me see"
She takes her shirt off and he looks at the rash and says, "Let me guess, your boyfriend goes to Michigan"
She says, "No but my girlfriend goes to Wisconsin"
Steve Irwin(crock hunter)goes in to a pub in Scotland with 4ft crock under his arm,he goes up to bar and announces loudly,anyone want a bet.I bet you i can put my b***s in this crocks mouth for 1 minute without it biting them off,if i can everyone in the pub buys me a drink,everyone agrees looking for some blood and guts.Steve puts the crock on the bar and opens its mouth with a stick,in goes his b***s and the crock shuts its mouth,after 1 min Steve picks up a beer bottle off the bar and smacks the crock over the head,the crocks mouth springs open and steve takes his b***s out,not a mark on them.Two hours later Steve shouts anybody fancy trying it,ill buy you drinks allnight__________SILENCE,after about a minute a wee woman at the back says aye ill have a shot but dont hit me too hard with the bottle.